Saturday, November 25, 2006


 Hi there!
                 In case u thought I had got my just desserts and had been doomed to spent the rest of my life in Timbaktu , this blog is bad news..I'm hearty and sane, which means that my customary drab posts will keep coming till my faculties choose, on a fine morning, to ditch me like yesterday's news. My good ol' friend DC's comment on my last post set me 'thinking', a lot more seriously than is my wont. Being the undiscerning person that I am, I took his words very seriously.
Little did I realise that it was actually a subtle chide,imploring me to stop my queer gibberish. But all this is besides the point. One of my buddies had tagged me aeons ago,& after looking at the state of my blog, probably forgot all about it.The deal was to write 6 weird things about myself,ergo...

  1. Contrary to the vox populi,I don't suffer from any form of Caligynephobia(fear of beautiful women). Over the years, some unkindly people have gone up to the extent of asking me whether I've taken an oath of celibacy. And not completely without reason. My social skills are,charitably put,very poor.But I'm improving.Some day........
  2. It takes me close to an eternity to put my thoughts into words. This can be partially explained by the fact that my thoughts have to meander through a lot of adipose tissue before it can reach my hands and eventually,my fingers.Or its some form of a dyslexia!
  3. I've always considered myself to be a good actor.In fact,my acting skills have saved me a lot of trouble, especially at home.Period.
  4. I have this wonderful gift of appearing more talented or intelligent than is the case. I'm the  perfect case in point for the saying 'appearances are deceptive'. And often, people get fooled, the latest being  my employer MindTree. It's Upshot: Mr Ashok Soota will be losing some hair and a lot of sleep in the near future.
  5. I dont know why,but I'm pretty scared of talking to strangers on phone.
  6. I suspect the waiters at my favourite food joint don't particularly like my presence. And  I'm not too surprised.If there's one thing that characterises my weekly jaunts,apart from my homer like appetite, its  my  stingy tipping habits. But then,I've started to change.The other day,I left a brand new 2 rupees coin.The waiter musta been overjoyed!


Tuesday, June 06, 2006

When tho' are bored,Bore the others!

Now,that's as succinct a disclaimer I can ever come up with. Its the title that I'm talking about.So,knowing me as you do,you would probably have your cursor move towards that nice little icon on the top right marked 'X' & be done with it for good.After all,there are a million things that one might engage in rather than reading up the rants of a deranged mind.This post then,is primarily meant for those who have been secretly nourishing hopes of hurling brickbats at me.The comments column has been kept open for all brethren and sundry precisely for this purpose.C'mmon guys,this is the one-off chance that I'm givin u!
Quite frankly,I've begun to detest the idea of blogging. This has partly to do with the fact that I am perennially short on ideas.I've always felt that god has given me less in the head & more around the waist,the results of which has been largely disastrous.I had once attempted to cut my mom's hair while she was sleeping,the rationale being that wouldn't be a bad idea after all for women to have hair cuts like men.Posterity would have it though,that it was the single most innovative idea that ever entered my vacuous head. The odds,therefore are,heavily against my coming up with an idea.And when I eventually do,after subjecting my unrelenting head to extreme torture, I'm faced with another roadblock,which reads in BIG,bold letters "inferiority complex".Most of my friends who blog are,much as I hate to admit,very good writers(& hence,better writers) . And more often than not, their posts make mine look like some poor,third world third world bauble.
Continuing with my aimless blabber, there are a host of other things that I'm better off doing.For instance,with my placements round the corner,I'd be better served preparing for it.Or perhaps I could help out my mother who seems to be eternally busy with her culinary labors, making sure that her prodigal son didn't miss out on that scrumptious lunch(or was it dinner?).Or perhaps,I could take out my GF on my Hayabusa,burning rubber all along the way to some cineplex,much to the chagrin of all the fellow on-lookers.Now,before you resolve to catch me by my neck & grill me on this GF issue,I hasten forth with my disclaimer:In all my 20 years,I have never ever come even remotely close to having a GF,or even a Hayabusa for that matter.It therefore follows that,this entire thing is nothing but a fantasy.I may further go on to add that, my interaction with the fairer species,if thats the appropriate word,is almost minimal.Even on those rare occasions on which I actually get to speak with them,my conversation entirely revolves around things like "hy!howdy??","howz life??","howz acads??" & a dozen other standard rhetorics which I'm not going to put down here.You may therefore appreciate the fact that my so called "interaction" doesn't last any longer than 1 min30seconds.I see I've far digressed from the actual topic.I just can't come up with anything.For all my ability to yap endlessly,all that I can now come up with is a "ooooooo........ aaaaaaaaaaa.............. eeeeeeeee...... yaaaaaaaaaaaaa........."
Period.Dont tell me you didn't read the disclaimer!

P.S:The author didn't like the screenplay of Bluffmaster one bit(bells ringing???)!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Arjun Singh's guide to Politics,education & backward caste dharma!

Name : Omkar Bimalesh Chandra Arjun Singh ( O.B.C Arjun Singh!)

D.O.B : 5/11/1930

Languages Known : English,Hindi

Area of Specialisation : Corruption,Minority Appeasment

For the uninitiated,this isn't the resume of any Nobel prize nominee.The person in question heads the ministry of Human Resource Destruction,India. This was by no means an exaggeration. Given a free hand, he would,under the garb of promoting "secularism",remove the last vestiges of self respect any upper caste might ever have. Textbooks would be re-written under the name of "de-saffronising" them, syllabi would be updated with full focus on minorities, special treatment would be meted out to backward castes in premier institutes ( read IITs & IIMs) & finally,the remnant would be treated to mud pies. And given the chance,he would even charge for them & chidingly say," There is no such thing called free lunches!".
Given the course of developments in the country, I wouldn't be surprised if,on his suggestion, a Mendel commission (*any similarity in name to the 1990 Mandal Commision is purely accidental,if u choose to ignore the fact that all that the author has done is to replace the vowels*) is set up to identify the problems besseting the underprivileged & suggest suitable steps to alleviate their sufferings. This,Arjun Singh would claim,is in line with the UPA govt's "paint the town red" policy. The commision would be presided over by 3 eminent personalities viz. S.C.kanth, S.T.Murugan & O.B.C Ravi. After 3 months of holidaying at Hawaii,the commision would present its report which would be subsequently tabled in the parliament amidst total chaos. Annexure 3 would read as follows:

  • a) Reservation in central insitutions has brought with it an influx of people(read forward castes)queing up for jobs of hotel servers,sweepers,roadside loafers,beggars amongst others.Therfore,the panel is of the considered opinion that,in order to ensure sustained presence of SCs,STs & other backward communities in these vocations, they must be given representation to the extent of 50.5%.
  • b) Given the fact that the participation of backward castes in Indian sport is meagre, the commision recommends that 20% of the Indian cricket team i.e 3 out of a squad of 15, be selected from the SC,ST or OBC categories. However,this policy may be dispensed away with whenever the team takes in part in multi national events like the World Cup.This move is to ensure that the team's "competitiveness" doesn't suffer.
  • c) Keeping in view the govt.'s directives to ensure equal opportunities for all, the commission recommends that the govt introduce a new reservation scheme for academically backward institutes. Academically backward institutions are those which are run typically by liquor barons who seek to advance their vested interests . Such institutions are characterized by lack of infrastructure,low faculty-student ratio,poor compensation schemes,resentment among students,frequent occurences of strikes amongst various other things.For a full list of paramters,refer Appendix 3A.
Upon reading this annexure, the author would heave a sigh of relief,as he sure that his institution would get refuge under the provision (c). His chances of cracking CAT '06 suddenly seem brighther.Hail Arjun Singh!!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

After a slumber!

Yawn...It's been aeons since I last visited my blog,not that it receives 2 millions hits a day, & not that I was buzy doing things what you would even remotely term "productive"...[:p].The reason,you guessed it right,was sheer laziness.So before it gets the better of me,I hasten to add:
"aaaaaah!"I woke up with a shriek.It was another of those bloody nightmares & those unsightly creatures were unwilling to let go of me.I slowly rubbed my eyes to find,much to my relief,the morning sun glare down on me.And as is oft the case with me on Sundays & most other holidays,I rolled about restlessly in my bed for a good deal of time.I could see my mom walk past at the corner of my eye."How on earth do moms wake so damn early each morn??" I mumbled to myself. I was just beginning to recover from the nightmare when I heard another shriek.This time,it was my mom,berating me for staying in bed for so long.Yawn!I had slept for more than 9 hours. Not the best of ways to start your day,more so if you have an important exam to contend with,TOEFL in this case.It was already 9.
I eventually got going,if u understand what I mean. I brushed my teeth,gulped down my boost & all that.Then,I sauntered through to the hall to have a glance at the newspaper,pressure of the exam notwithstanding.Kumble had wrecked the English Boat with four wickets,less than a week after England's dominant performance at Nagpur.A commendable achievement that,considering the intermittent appearence of the rain gods.As I sat reading,realization dawned on me that the match was in progress at that very moment.I lunged for the remote & switched on the T.V.Munaf Patel,the well-stacked youngster,& Kumble,the wily old fox were in operation.While the old guard was pegging away at the hapless Englishmen,the budding youngster,at his end,was working up good pace.He ran in hard & bowled with lot of verve,getting the ball to reverse,much to the dismay of Jones & FLintoff.And it therefore came as no surprise when Jones chopped one on to his stumps.Overs later,Plunkett went LBW to a deadly yorker.Soon after,Hoggard followed suit & eventually England was bowled out. In the meantime,it was getting a little late for my exam.I had to leave.Pity that I wasn't able to track the match any further!
It was an extremely hot day.And if that wasn't enough,the center was at a far flung place(rather it was my house that was far reached the place a good half hour before the appointed time.Soon,I was called in.There were about 15-20 candidates along with me,some tense,some worried,& some both.Some characters,much to my annoyance,were buzy with their last minute preparations even in the rest room.I spent my time chatting away with a rather laid back character(much like yours truly),who said he was from IIT. Soon after,we went to the testing room.The test got underway & I was initially at sea.The listening section had ripped me apart,with all those irksome lectures pertaining to Botany,American History & the like.The Structure section that followed suit was a breeze.Reading comprehension wasn't bad either.I wrote some crap in the writing section(*much like what I am doing now*)& left the place.
It took me 2 long hours in the bus.The sickening Chennai traffic didn't help one bit.I returned home totally debilitated,not an ounce of energy remaining in the body.And today,as I write this(after treating myself with the choicest of foods at Park Sheraton),I realize I have an exam tomorrow!


Thursday, December 22, 2005

DIL Mange no "MORE"!!

It's selection time,and yet again,there are surprises galore!And not that it was entirely unexpected.Over the aeons, our honorable (?)selectors have built for themselves,a reputation for leaving the cricketing fraternity in a sort of stupor everytime they meet over for a selection.I have often endeavoured to find some sort of a rationale for their policy but I invariably hit an impasse.This time was no different.
At the forefront of affairs,is ofcourse the chairman of selectors,Kiran More(read chief puppet!).He seems to possess this uncanny knack of contradicting his own statements at every media briefing.Take a peek!
"We did not want Sourav at No. 6 because Yuvraj will play there. He has been consistent and we want to give him more opportunities. It's not done to have Sourav in the squad and not have him in the playing eleven." This was More after dropping Ganguly for the third test.

And this was the "changed" More, barely a week after having made the previous statment. " We got Sourav back because we needed some experience for the tough tour.I am not saying he will play in the XI. That will be selected by the team management..."

For heaven's sake,I dont know what transpired during the week(with respect to Kiran More that is, because all of us are aware of the meet concerning the "Future of Indian cricket" between Ganguly & Pawar) .The same Sourav who was "superflous" for Ahemdabad has,all of a sudden become "an experienced campaigner" for Pakistan.And talk of consistency in policy!I can think of only 2 reasons for this dramatic turnaround-one,Mr.Kiran More's faculties have gone week,in which case he ought to be replaced,& two,he has yielded to political obligations.

With the Pakistan tour beckoning,India needs to be at its very best.Pakistan is not the opponent it was when the Indians last faced them.Bob Woolmer,together with the burly Inzi, has built up a strong side for WC 2007. Shoaib Akhtar looks injury free in a long time.Now, with Sourav's inclusion,an internal battle seems to be brewing.Dravid & Chappell have an unenviable deal on their hands. The stage is set for a season of riveting drama....... watch out for more!!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

OF DHoni,DRavid 'n' Team INdia!

The past week or so has witnessed a Renaissance of sorts. The most sought after men in Indian cricket have finally started making news,for a change,not on page 3 .Some reason to celebrate!In fact,my last vivid memory of a proper display from the Men in Blue dates back to Feb '04 when India toured Pakistan. And now,while the scribes have already drawn out their swords for the debauched Ganguly, the Dravid-Chappell duo seem to usher in a new era for Indian cricket-"THE DRAVID-CHAPPELL ERA",I'm tempted to call it. And it's the very same team(minus ofcourse the prodigal son from Kolkata & plus the ageless Tendulkar!) that was drawing flak from all corners not too long ago. So what has brought about this metamorphosis??
First & foremost,the ouster of Ganguly. Having been a vocal supporter of Ganguly in the past, I hate to say this. And as much as I acknowledge his contibution to Indian cricket, I believe his playing days are over. As people put it these days,you are as good as your last innings. Sourav has to come to terms with reality & leave the game before his already tanned reputation takes another beating.The writing on the wall is clear-Move over Sourav,Dravid is here!
Dravid,it must be said,has led the side with lot verve & intensity. Moreover,he & Chappell share an excellent working rapport.His decision to delay taking powerplay 2 in the first game was a masterly move. So much for the scribes who critiquited his "unimaginative" approach!Most importantly,the players seem to revel in his leadership.And with his blade shining elegantly as ever,the signs are looking increasingly good.

Another factor to reckon with,is the emergence of a new superstar in Dhoni. He has an air of unconventionality about everthing he does.With an unusually strong frame for a wicketkeeper, his long hairlocks give him a villainous look .The lesser said about his batting,the better. Such is the efficacy of his approach that the uninitiated might well scorn upon the coaching manual. With the kind of bat speed he manages to generate & his powerful fore arms, he can be quite a handful on sub continental pitches. He might not look the least bit elegant,but cricket’s not about pulichritude,is it??If his Jaipur knock was a display of powerhitting,the Pune knock potrayed his ability to , match power with finesse.India’s answer to Gilchrist!

While all the ingredients seem to be in place,they need to be nurtured & sustained. And most importantly,politics need to stay out! Will Dalmiya wield his power to bring back Ganguly?Will Dhoni continue to entrall us??

As wise men say, “ Time will tell!”

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

grr....THE kill??

To be frank,i hate to indulge in this sort of excruciating exercise when more important tasks ought to be engaging my time(have my end sem exams in 2 days time..). Nonetheless,i decide to take the plunge keeping in mind the lone comment that my previous post managed to get. Thats right.One comment!And that,in all earnestness,is probably because i commented on that guy's blog & the kind soul wanted to reciprocate in kind(bless him!).
As far as the title of the post goes,i'm as much in the dark as you are.And if u think reading further might help,god bless you.Now that the basic disclaimers are done,without further ado,let me get going.Getting a driver's license can be one of the more onerous tasks in Chennai.A blighter named shyam found this out rather the hard way. I,for heaven sake don't understand whether,in this age of shriking times,a process so very menial as the one under consideration should take all of 5 hours.And that too,with a backing of a driving school(yup!I paid Rs.600 to the blighters just for this..).Sift the evidence,I mean.
Well,I was asked to report at the RTO office at 9:30 in the morning. Me being the slothful person that I am,promptly went at 10.Our driving school man(will refer to him henceforth as mama!) gave me a rather rummy look.He didn't dare say anything,though.Ofcourse he wouldn't!After all,he had swallowed the money only the previous day.Our mama then led me to a nearby secluded place where about 10-12 chappies were waiting.All of us were his clients(read scapegoats) for the day.He then went on to demonstrate to everyone the gyrating move that would give us our 2-wheeler license.Subsequently,he made all of us practise the same before the actual test. After a couple of trial rounds,our mama left us for a few minutes to bring in the Inspector.
Immaculately dressed in his white shirt & brown khaakhis,he got out of his jeep with the airs of a self-styled monarch. As he got out,a whole slew of brokers gathered around him, as if seeking an autograph from a celebrity. In other words,he looked every bit the fraud official you frequently see in movies.Soon,the test got underway.A namesake test,I'm tempted to add.My turn came & I managed the "8" without trouble.The process was over.Or so I thought.But I was grossly mistaken.A photo session was to follow.And so,I trudged along to the main office my famished stomach. After an agonizing wait,I was called in.It was an A/C room.The air was soothing,more so after waiting outside for a long time.Wished like I could stay inside forever.But much to my disappointment,the session was over in a whiff.And now,we were asked to wait outside for one last time for that 4"x 2" card.I waited & waited.It seemed to take an eternity.I lost my patience & decided to investigate.I came to know that mama had conveniently legged it .I flew into a rage but could do nothing.I was left entirely to the mercy of the office people who worked as though they were on a paid holiday.And finally,after an hour's wait,my name was called.And what do you think was there??My licence-to kill!

Now then,the title!Any takers??